Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
