If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
