I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
