sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
