Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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