Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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