I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
