Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
