do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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