We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
