everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
