Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
