p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
