we have officially lost it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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