so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
