she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
