I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize