rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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