I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
