I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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