I think I died a long time ago.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
