I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When are your genitals available?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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