There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
