he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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