but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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