nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
