He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need moral support for this bender
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
