I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
