I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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