Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You ruined the universe
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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