It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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