i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We have started to decorate penises.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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