she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
