Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's just like the Real World with babies
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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