apparently the secret to your success is patron
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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