oh god the rape fog is back!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
