ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
