Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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