Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He did a backflip because drugs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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