a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
