The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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