Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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