I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
