She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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