i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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