I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
