I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
