You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
