I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize