Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
