this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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