She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Pooping to opera.
Randomize