I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
