trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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