Screwed.edu
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
