So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize