Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
