if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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