You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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