I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
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