I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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