Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
