I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
