i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
