I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
