I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
