i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
as a side note pls kill me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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