the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
