what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
