so that wasnt chicken after all
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
