do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We need to get me chipped asap
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
