She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
