dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
