Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
