I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
