Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
