just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
