she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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