I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
