Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
